Now Playing Tracks

This is what one of my readers on FF.net sent me xD

Ulfric’s cock is the Tenth Divine
Ulfric’s cock is so glorious that it knows the Thu’um
Ulfric’s cock is so glorious that whenever he comes his cock shouts “FUS RO DAH”
Ulfric’s cock has its own surname. Cock Stormcock.
Ulfric’s cock is the Dovakhiin nobody knew about. It was Ulfric’s cock Alduin was really looking for when he entered Helgen.
It was Ulfric’s cock that nearly shouted High King Torygg to pieces. Ulfric just wanted to talk.
There are two major towers in Windhelm that can be seen from the sky: the Palace of the Kings, and Cock Stormcock.
The Thalmor consider Ulfric’s cock an asset, but they haven’t been in touch with it in a while.
Make it quick. Ulfric’s cock is very busy.

xD! I don’t know if she came up with that on her own, but it was brilliant and made me laugh my ass off.

Skyrim Horror

Yes, I write as well as read Skyrim fan-fiction.

And, having nothing better to do, I decided to go through the list of stories and clicked on a certain one (Though I won’t mention why) and I found myself infuriated.

Not only was it bad-not the worst I’ve ever read, however-but they couldn’t even get the simplest things straight! When you’re pretty much copy/paste-ing dialogue from a video on youtube or whatever, you have the subtitles right there, it spells everything out for you!

Yet there was such horrible spelling mistakes like soveirgngard (Sovngarde), as well as NPCs names that weren’t even close.

I just felt like I’d been beaten because this was allowed. Maybe, just maybe, if this person had some guidance with the story, it’d have a good plot. BUT THE FACT THAT PEOPLE APPLAUD THE WRITER FOR WHAT THEY’VE DONE? It literally put me into a rage.

/rant

Them Nord Men

I don’t know what it is about those Nord men coughcoughFARKAScoughcough, but they know their way to a woman’s heart. And you know what that way is?

BY BASHING IN THE SKULL OF YOUR ENEMIES. Unf, let me just take you right then and there, okay?

Maybe it’s a primal thing about watching men fight? I don’t know, but watching any hot male character just crit hit your foe is an instant swoon. It doesn’t happen often enough, sadly :’[

Going from Skyrim to Assassin’s Creed…

Doesn’t end well for the people of the AC world. When playing PS3, I use square to sheathe my weapon in Skyrim. You can’t do that in AC. Square is to kill. I’ve killed SO many citizens because of this mistake D:

And it frustrates me a little that the horses in AC don’t jump off cliffs and ledges like Skyrim’s horses. Geez, it’ll only hurt a little bit.

Call Hating: Fus Ro Dial-tone

  • Telemarketer:

    "Yes, I'm looking for a Mr. [redacted]."

  • Me:

    "This be he. Speak."

  • Telemarketer:

    "Hello Mr. [redacted]. My name is Richard and I'm calling on behalf of Audible Locusts. How are you you doing today, sir?"

  • Me:

    "Just smithing a suit of Daedric armor for ComicCon. How be you, Richard?"

  • Telemarketer:

    "Well...that's...neat! I was just calling because we see that you've been pre-approved for a special VIP program that can save you hundreds of dollars on things you buy for the home every day! Isn't that great?"

  • Me:

    "I see. What sort of wares does your haberdashery carry? Weapons? Salted meats? The makings for elixirs, perhaps?"

  • Telemarketer:

    "...Um...no. You'll have the opportunity to buy things like groceries, cleaning products, home appliances and so much more!"

  • Me:

    "Ebony ingots?"

  • Telemarketer:

    "I'm sorry?"

  • Me:

    "Might you trade in ebony ingots? If not, I'd be willing to purchase ebony ore from your trading post and smelt it myself. Either that or barter with cabbages and cheese wheels in my inventory."

  • Telemarketer:

    "I'm sorry, Mr. [redacted]. I don't understand."

  • Me:

    "Look Richard, I'm obsessed with Skyrim. I'm not going to lie. The more you get on my level and talk like we're in Skyrim, the better chance you're going to have at getting a sale out of me."

  • Telemarketer:

    "You mean the video game?"

  • Me:

    "IT'S NOT JUST A GAME, RICHARD!!!"

  • Telemarketer:

    "..."

  • Me:

    "Let's try this again, OK?"

  • Telemarketer:

    "...OK?"

  • Me:

    *ahem* "Now what wares would you sell your Thane?"

  • Telemarketer:

    "Can I put you on hold for just one minute, sir?"

  • Me:

    "As you wish, shop keep."

  • *two minutes of the muzak version of Hall and Oates's "Method of Modern Love*

  • Telemarketer:

    "Sorry about the hold, Mr. [name redacted]."

  • Me:

    "Worry not, citizen of Whiterun. I rested for eight hours, but was not able to reap the sleep bonus due to my Werewolf blood."

  • Telemarketer:

    "Like we were talking about earlier, we have lots of things you normally buy for the home, but for pennies on the dollar! Perfect for a...'Doverkeen'!"

  • Me:

    "It's 'Dovahkiin'."

  • Telemarketer:

    "Yes...Doverkeek. You can also purchase many food items to eat while you're playing Skyrim, like a wide assortment of chips and sodas."

  • Me:

    "You assume I'm a stout fellow who gorges on unsavories?! I'll have you know I've walked the length of Tamriel countless times! What else have you for sale or trade?"

  • Telemarketer:

    "I'm glad you asked, Than."

  • Me:

    "It's 'Thane'."

  • Telemarketer:

    *whispering*

  • Me:

    "Are you secretly conversing with someone? I use to be a telemarketer like you...but then I took an arrow to the stupid."

  • Telemarketer:

    "What's that? No, sir. Not at all."

  • Me:

    "ARE YOU BEING COACHED IN WHAT TO SAY TO THE DRAGONBORN?!?"

  • Telemarketer:

    "No! I'm not!"

  • Me:

    "Do not attempt to converse with me again until you have leveled up in speechcraft significantly, lest you find yourself on the wrong end of my Wabbajack."

  • *click*

High King of Skyrim…

Mk, when it comes to the civil war going on in Skyrim, I lean more towards the Stormcloaks because I can’t stand that the Empire are Thalmor puppets. Both sides have their down sides, with the previously mentioned slavery with the Imperials while the Stormcloaks are racist. It’s hard to choose.

Ithink there should just be a side “Dragonborn” where your character becomes the High King/Queen. After everything you’ve done for Skyrim, you get to be JUST Thane? Nah, that throne is mine bitches!

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